Mahmoud And The Talking Camel

Mahmoud And The Talking Camel

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the feisty and foolish President of Iran, was coming back from one of his frequent addresses to students, who always agree with him 100%, when a camel walked out onto the road his limo was zipping along.

“Look, a camel,” called his perceptive driver, slamming on the brakes.

“Just give him a minute,” Mahmoud observed sagely, “and I’m sure he’ll cross the road to get to the other side.”

“Why?” the bodyguard next to the driver asked, inadvertently poking himself in the eye with his AK-47.

“To get a drink of water,” witty Mahmoud suggested.

“Ha,” chuckled the driver and the bodyguard, making up, through their feigned camaraderie, the usual “Ha, ha.”

But, instead of behaving as projected, the camel ambled up to the limo and looked in at Mahmoud. Then, quite to the Mayor-turned-President’s surprise, it began to move its lips as if it was speaking in Farsi.

Ever the obliging pawn of the ruling mullahs, Mahmoud rolled down his window, and asked, “Can I help you?”

“Yez, Prez,” the camel replied, with a curious accent that seemed to be due to its rubbery lips.

Astonished, Mahmoud exclaimed, “How can a camel talk?”

“It’z a zpecial gift from Allah.”

“Really?” the President pondered.

“Yez. There I waz, zleeping by a watering hole last night, when Allah appeared on my back, and zaid, ‘I have a problem.’

“I didn’t know what to say,” the camel went on, “because I didn’t know how to talk.

"Then Allah zaid, ‘Let’z talk.’

“And, suddenly, I knew how.

"So I zaid, ‘Thankz, what’s up?’

“Allah sighed, and told me, ‘Try az I might, I can’t find a zsingle Iranian with the courage to have an honest talk with Mahmoud. Zo I’ve decided to give you the azzignment.’”

“A lowly camel, appearing on behalf of Allah?” Mahmoud questioned.

“No, a camel chozen by Allah,” came the wise reply. “Zo I zaid to Allah, ‘How can I help?’”

“And what did Allah say?” Mahmoud half scoffed.

The camel glanced at the bodyguard with the AK-47 and trembled with fear.

“Relax,” Mahmoud told him. “He won’t shoot. I promise.”

“Thankz,” the camel replied.

“So what did Allah tell you?”

“He said, ‘Go to Mahmoud and tell him he has a suicide wish.’”

“A suicide wish?” Ahmadinejad exclaimed, and jumped out of the limo. “Allah told you that?”

“Yez, he did,” the camel said. “Not only that, he said you’re acting it out for the whole nation of Iran.”

“Now, why would I do that?” Mahmoud demanded.

“He zaid you mizinterpreted the Koran.”

“I did?”

“Yez, he said that you think after you die you’ll go to Paradize az a martyr and have a zubliminal wish to go there. But he zaid you forgot that he created you so you would live before you die. In fact, he created the whole univerze so you could live before you die. So ending your life by choice defeatz his primary purpose. Naturally, he’z upzet. Very upzet.”

“But how am I trying to commit suicide?”

“He zaid with your polizy of nuclear development.”

The bodyguard knew any negative talk about the Iranian centrifuge subterfuge would anger Mahmoud, who had somehow conflated the prestige of Iran with his, along with his superintending mullahs’, nuke-a-duke policy. So he hefted his principal means of communication, the AK-47, and asked, “Want me to silence him? I can do it without admitting it.”

“No,” Mahmoud replied insightfully. “A camel who can talk should not be shot.”

The camel did not take the bodyguard’s suggestion in stride, and uttered, “Uh-oh.” Then it turned to trot away.

“Come back here and tell me what else Allah said,” Mahmoud commanded him.

The camel stopped but only to call back, “He zaid you know you’re involved in a gamble you can’t win.”

“He said that?”

“Yez, he did,” the camel dared to affirm, and glanced at the bodyguard. “Don’t zhoot or I’ll zhut up.”

“He won’t,” Mahmoud assured the spooked camel, and turned to the bodyguard. “He may be a camel, but he’s a messenger of Allah. So no gunplay.” Then he looked back at the eloquent dromedary. “Did he say why I can’t win?”

“Yez, he zaid that the closer you get to succezz, the more other nationz will want to ztop you.” The camel swallowed hard and blurted out. “They will bomb you before they let you have a bomb.”

“He zaid that?” Mahmoud asked, and then, realizing he had just slipped into the curious accent of the camel, corrected himself. “I mean, he said that?”

“Yez, he did,” the camel confirmed. “Not only zhat, he zaid you’re telling the other countriez you’re only doing it for a reazon that izn’t credible, because Iran haz plenty of oil, so it doesn't need nuclear power for energy.”

“Anything else?” Mahmoud asked, grinding his teeth a bit.

“The most important zing: He told me to tell you to ztop.”

“Or?”

The camel swallowed hard, and then said, “I’m supposed to go from one city to the next and tell people to stop you, so they don’t have to die with you.”

The bodyguard waved his AK-47 in the sun.

The camel noticed it, and said, “Zo, quick! What’s your decision?”

“My decision is, you must be a mirage. Whoever heard of a talking camel – especially one who claims to be a messenger from Allah?”

“I think you’re right, boss,” the bodyguard called, and wiggled his rifle. “Want me to give it the hole-in-the-head test?”

Ahmadinejad took out his handkerchief and wiped his forehead, considering the possibility. Then he said, “Why waste bullets on a mirage?”

Getting back into the limo, he huffed skeptically, “Drive on. And don’t either one of you tell anybody I was talking to a camel.”

Enjoy These Useless Facts And Fun Trivia Questions And Answers

Enjoy These Useless Facts And Fun Trivia Questions And Answers

Question: Which is stronger -- concrete or bone?

Answer: Bone

Useless Fact: Human bones can actually resist 40 times more stress than concrete. Don't believe it is true? Then picture a piece of concrete the size of a bone and imagine how easily it would break.

Question: What bird lays its egg in another bird's nest?

Answer: Cuckoo, Cowbird, Whyda, Honeyguide and Black-headed Duck

Useless Fact: These birds, called brood parasites, lay their eggs in another bird's nest and let the other bird parents feed and raise their chicks. The "egg abandoner" is then free to mate again and lay more eggs in another nest. The cuckoo is the best known brood parasite and an expert in the art of cruel deception. Its strategy involves stealth, surprise and speed. The mother removes one egg laid by the host mother, lays her own and flies off with the host egg in her bill. The whole process takes barely ten seconds. Cuckoos parasitize the nests of a large variety of bird species and carefully mimic the colour and pattern of their own eggs to match that of their hosts. Each female cuckoo specializes on one particular host species. How the cuckoo manages to lay eggs to imitate each host's eggs so accurately is one of nature's main mysteries.

Question: What is the largest invertebrate?

Answer: Colossal Squid

Useless Fact: A species of squid reported to be significantly larger than the giant squid, is called the Colossal squid, officially named Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni. In February 2007 a live colossal squid was brought to the surface in Antarctic waters by a New Zealand fishing boat. This enormous squid, which was determined to be a male of the species, was 10 meters (32.8 feet), and weighed 450 kilograms (992 pounds), making it the largest squid (the largest invertebrate) ever captured. What is even more astonishing is that, from what scientists know about squid species in general, there is great sexual dimorphism in squids, with females being significantly larger than the males. If that holds true for the Colossal squid, this male specimen that was captured could very well be dwarfed by a much larger female of the species.

Question: What does the first letter of a radio station's call sign mean?

Answer: The location of the station

Useless Fact: Generally, in the United States, call signs begin with K west of the Mississippi River, and W to the east.

Question: Where was the first McD0nald's located?

Answer: Arcada, California

Useless Fact: Brothers Dick and Mac McDonald open a hot dog stand called the Airdome in Arcadia, California. In 1940, the brothers move to San Bernardino, California, on Route 66. After noting that almost all of their profits came from hamburgers, the brothers close down the restaurant for several months in 1948 to implement their innovative "Speedee Service System", a streamlined assembly line for hamburgers.

Question: What is the largest insect?

Answer: Acteon Beetle or Longhorn Beetle

Useless Fact: There are different ways of measuring the size of an insect, most people would consider the largest insect to be the bulkiest and in that case the largest insect is the Acteaeom Beetle from South America. The male beetles can be 9cms long by 5cms wide by 4cms thick. If you want to measure largest by overall size, check out the South American Longhorn Beetle (Titanus giganteus) these giants can be over 16cms in body length (not including antennae) One other beetle, Dynastes hercules is also well known for reaching 16cms in length though it is not nearly as heavy. The longest insect in the world is the Stick-Insect (Pharnacia serritypes), the females of which can be over 36cm long.

How To Cope When You Are Surrounded By Idiots

How To Cope When You Are Surrounded By Idiots

Are the idiots in your life driving you crazy? Do you often feel like you are surrounded by idiots? Have you ever wondered if YOU are an idiot? Do the idiotic C.Y.A. instructions on the packaging of most products you buy these days make you feel like the world must think you are an idiot?

The following article contains lessons on stupidity. They cover things you should pretty much never do. There are many, many more lessons we could add, such as not floating face down in the septic tank or not applying your own tattoo with a wood burner and lead-based house paint, but these are normally material for a post-graduate stupidity course. You probably shouldn't attempt to comprehend these high-level concepts until you have mastered the more basic skills.

Experience has shown that the louder you yell the principle to the idiot pupil in question the better the procedure works. (OK, a little honesty here would probably be good. The truth is, shouting the lessons probably won't have much of an effect on the idiot, because as we all know, he/she is an idiot, but it will probably make you feel a little better).

Here are a few suggestions that could change your life if you are someone who is struggling with idiots in your life. If you are an idiot, try to find someone to read these principles to you and then apply them. If you are surrounded by idiots or if you have a loved one who has idiotic tendencies, you will probably want to teach these principles to the idiots in your life. You never know. It might just help.

1. You should never try to lick the bottom of the blender while the blades are still turning.
2. Never drink quarts of vinegar while eating boxes of baking soda.
3. Never clean up nitro-glycerin or unstable nuclear waste with a vacuum cleaner.
4. Never let friends hit you over the head with a baseball bat unless you are wearing a good helmet.
5. Never adjust your TV antenna during a lightening storm.
6. You shouldn't smoke while siphoning gasoline.
7. Don't microwave dynamite.
8. Never dry your hair with a blow torch.
9. Never pick your scabs while swimming with sharks.
10. Never hang glide during a hurricane.

Camcorders, projectors make life enjoyable

Camcorders, projectors make life enjoyable

It was a hot Friday afternoon in mid 2006 in Kendari, Southeast Sulawesi. The hot weather, however, had no effect on Alim, a non- governmental organization worker, who on that afternoon sat absorbed in front of his computer with three electric fans cooling the hot air.

“Hot weather is all right for me as long as my computer works,” he said.
What was he doing? He was processing a video recording of activities conducted by his organization.

After a while, carrying a CD he left his room and went into the meeting room. With the help of a notebook and a projector, the video recording was projected onto the wall and dozens of people watched the documentary as if they were in a theater.

Thanks to technological developments, with a video camera and a computer you can make a film. Of course, first of all you must acquire the technical skills of operating these instruments. Various video camera producers are now competing to market their superior products, which are not only sophisticated but also come with various smart features. Besides, the prices are relatively lower than they were a few years ago.

Samsung Electronics, for example, has promised to introduce various revolutionary products this year, including Samsung VP-X210L, to strengthen its position as a market leader. “With the Samsung VP-X210L Sports Camcorder, hurdles in video recording can be minimized. This camcorder makes it easier to record an object hands-free and the durability of the batteries is also longer,” Lee Mun Bong, managing director of PT Samsung Electronics Indonesia, said at Ritz Carlton Hotel, Jakarta.

The Samsung VP-X210L, he said, is a future sports camcorder whose recording speed can be boosted by up to 25 percent with an optical zoom of 10 times. “The electronic picture stabilizer of the VP-210L makes sure that all features of an athlete will be recorded with great clarity,” he added.

As the use of a DVD format, which is capable of producing clearer pictures, is now gaining greater popularity, producers spare no time cashing in on this trend by offering various DVD-format video cameras complete with various sophisticated features that make it even easier for a user to make video recordings.

One such producer is PT Panasonic Gobel Indonesia, which has released its VDR-D300, VDR-D250 and VDR-D150 DVD-format video camera series. The VDR series allows recording output to be stored in the SD Card memory disc, thereby making it very practical to transfer it to a computer for editing. Technological sophistication and easy operation is, of course, helpful to the user in translating ideas into reality.

Another audio-video product that is gaining popularity is the projector. During the recently concluded FIFA World Cup Championship in Germany, people could not only watch the soccer matches on TV, but also on large screen thanks to projectors. Initially, a projector was invented for presentations in meeting rooms.

Today, however, many use one to watch movies or TV programs, such as aired soccer matches. Datascrip Business Solutions, which markets Optoma products in Indonesia, has launched at least seven series of Optoma projectors using Digital Light Processing (DLP) technology, namely DV10, EP729, EP7161, EP719, EP739H, EP758 and EP759.

DLP technology, said Jeremy Hemanto, manager of the multimedia division of PT Datascrip, uses an optical semi-conductor, which is better known as a Digital Micromirror Device (DVD Chip) to re-portray the existing material of a presentation. “With a Digital Light Processing processor, a projector is available at an affordable price and can be used by practically anybody in Indonesia,” he said.

Optoma, he said, is the leader in the world market of projectors using DLP technology, and in the third quarter of 2005 it enjoyed a market share of some 13.6 percent. Optoma of the EP729 series is a micro portable projector measuring 200 mm by 62.5 mm by 150 mm and weighing 0.99 kg. “Thanks to its brightness level of 1,600 ANSI lumens, this projector can present more lively pictures for various applications,” Jeremy said.

As for Optoma of the DV10 series, which is usually called MovieTime TM, it is a digital projector with an integrated DVD player and speakers. One can watch a movie using this device alone. Indeed, sophisticated technology has made it much easier for everybody to enjoy entertainment at home. [Asep Saefullah]

THE JAKARTA POST — TUESDAY, AUGUST 15, 2006 — PAGE 18

When the Dahlia Blooms at the Forest of Rubber Plant

When the Dahlia Blooms at the Forest of Rubber Plant

Dahlia is a name of flower that most women around the world familiarly know and even adore. In an upstream village in Sumatra Island, Indonesia, women make use of “Dahlia” to name a micro credit institution that they manage collectively to support their own daily needs.

Like a flower, the Dahlia micro credit institution— the Independent Community Organization (KSM) Dahlia to be precise— also grew out of a tiny seed. It began when the Indonesia Conservancy Community (KKI) Warsi, a non-government organization (NGO) working on environment conservancy, was implementing its program among the villagers of Lubuk Beringin Village, Jambi Province. From Jakarta, the Capital City of Indonesia, it takes an hour of trip by airplane and about some more five hours of land cruise on rugged country roads through a chain of dense forest of rubber plants.

KKI Warsi itself is the board of Sumatra Sustainable Support (SSS), a community foundation (CF) that later on advocates the forest farmers of Lubuk Beringin, taking over KKI Warsi’s role in the past. Through an Integrated Conservancy Development Project of Kerinci Seblat National Park (ICDP TNKS) from 1990 to 2002, KKI Warsi advocated the forest villagers— females and males— to empower and develop the village institution to improve the villagers’ economy and to manage the natural sources in sustainable way.

KKI Warsi facilitated the women, all of them are Muslims, to have a meeting on Fridays. They began with religious learning, and then went on with a lottery with equal share from every member who took turn to become the winner of the lottery. “The activity in August 2000,” recalled Rudy Syaf, KKI Warsi’s advisor.

At every meeting, each Dahlia woman is obliged to submit IDR 2,000— IDR 1,000 for lottery share and the other IDR 1,000 to be collected for the needs to support the religious learning. In the long run the women eventually managed to develop a credit union that they had been longing for. They began with collecting private funds of IDR 6,000 a person— IDR 5,000 as main share and IDR 1,000 as monthly saving.

“By mid 2001 the members of the group could demand a credit at most IDR 100,000 that they should pay off within 10 months,” said Nur Asiah, chairwoman of Dahlia.

Nur Asiah and her fellow women of Dahlia can wear a broader smile now. Since they have a credit union to support their own need, they can find a new source of finance which is quite easily for them to access, especially when they are faced with unexpected expenses.

Things had been quite different from the time when Dahlia was not yet established. In the past the forest farmers depended on traders of rubber, some still do, for money for the traders’ advantages. “But now we can find alternative financial resource, thanks to the credit union. Sure, we’re glad to see the credit union develops well, considering the fact that the idea sprung casually among us the women when we were doing the laundry at the stream,” said Nur Asiah.

Dahlia is now improving every aspects of its capacity to become a cooperative with a more powerful legal status. While the process is on its way, the village farmers develop a credit union where the members can have some loans, run a rental of items that people need when they have party, home industry of handy crafts, and productive gardens. Each year Dahlia holds an annual meeting of members, the highest council and a forum where the members distribute the net profit among them.

“We distribute some portions of the net profit among our members, spend some others for new investment, and save the rests for the village for conservancy operation cost. We always persuade our fellow villagers to give more care for the environment,” said Muhammad Jufrie, a facilitator for Dahlia and an agent of the village administration.

Lubuk Beringin is an independent village and the villagers find supplies of their livelihood from the surrounding natural resources. They mostly make th eir livings from the rubber plants which grow lavishly at the vast forestland around them. They also have a power plant of micro hydro that they build at a river nearby. “If the environment is destroyed, the forest degraded, we won’t be able to see the turbine going round anymore, and what we’ll find is that we’ll live in the dark,” said Jufrie.

Dahlia now owns total asset of IDR 200 millions. What is more, it has also developed to become a backbone of the village’s economy. But the villagers do not want to stop and get satisfied with what the have achieved. “We’re still keep trying to find ways to sell the raw rubber directly to the factories so as that we can have better values and cut short the complicated distribution chain,” said Nur Asiah.

Humour And Jokes For Healthy Life

Humour And Jokes For Healthy Life

Humour and jokes is not only relieving stress, but also enrich your life and keeps you in touch with friends and family. The fluctuation of emotional state, low blood sugar, heart disease, overactive thyroid and is also considered by science to some effects of stress. What makes a thing of such complexity that stress is actually different from person to person. There are people who might not be comfortable sharing their emotions with others, regardless of how they are close to the person. Writing about what happened during the day is a self-cleaning of all the worries over a hard day's work.

The fast pace of the world clouded by the pressures of work and they demands the humour and jokes compounds in life. Therefore, such websites have been a booming sector in recent years because people are made to believe that their use of services is the only effective way to increase humour and jokes in life. However, it is not necessary to participate in an activity splurging money to get humour and jokes. Take every opportunity to the millions of dollars flash smile. However, too much, it could yield negative emotional, physical and mental effects of a person.

A very inspiring book can create a sense of lightness and motivation of a person. Studies show that 40% of people who have heart disease are less likely to be inclined to laugh. As funny as it appears in, humour and jokes is the cheapest and easiest way to relieve stress. Joking with friends, watching funny movies or TV shows and reading funny cartoons are cheap and fun solutions to stress. Stress may be part of daily life, but this is not necessarily synonymous with grace and let it take over. Accentuating the positive is one way to cope. After all, stress is not what happens is how we react to it.

Recent studies at the University of Baltimore have shown that people who have humour and jokes are less likely to have heart disease. In addition, people with heart disease are 40% less likely to humour and jokes compared to the fate of these people without heart problems. If this is true, the very elixir which could solve a serious health condition related to heart is the prime condition of the act of laughing at jokes really funny. This is particularly important for those who do not have time to exercise or do physical activities. Laughing also prevents hypertension because it reduces the likelihood of stress. It relaxes muscles and reduces the supply of dopamine in the blood.

Knowing all this, how can you practice the habit of humour and jokes to keep from heart attack? The maintenance of a light-hearted provision is essential in preventing heart attacks. Whenever the stress began keeping in the think of these situations can reduce your stress and anxiety. humour and jokes not only produce natural laughter, but also help maintain good mental health. Therefore in every day hard working life humour and jokes is not only necessary to make laughter in your life, it also keeps you fit in the life.

Humour and jokes is not only relieving stress, but also enrich your life and keeps you in touch with friends and family. The fluctuation of emotional state, low blood sugar, heart disease, overactive thyroid and is also considered by science to some effects of stress. What makes a thing of such complexity that stress is actually different from person to person. There are people who might not be comfortable sharing their emotions with others, regardless of how they are close to the person. Writing about what happened during the day is a self-cleaning of all the worries over a hard day's work.

The fast pace of the world clouded by the pressures of work and they demands the humour and jokes compounds in life. Therefore, such websites have been a booming sector in recent years because people are made to believe that their use of services is the only effective way to increase humour and jokes in life. However, it is not necessary to participate in an activity splurging money to get humour and jokes. Take every opportunity to the millions of dollars flash smile. However, too much, it could yield negative emotional, physical and mental effects of a person.

A very inspiring book can create a sense of lightness and motivation of a person. Studies show that 40% of people who have heart disease are less likely to be inclined to laugh. As funny as it appears in, humour and jokes is the cheapest and easiest way to relieve stress. Joking with friends, watching funny movies or TV shows and reading funny cartoons are cheap and fun solutions to stress. Stress may be part of daily life, but this is not necessarily synonymous with grace and let it take over. Accentuating the positive is one way to cope. After all, stress is not what happens is how we react to it.

Recent studies at the University of Baltimore have shown that people who have humour and jokes are less likely to have heart disease. In addition, people with heart disease are 40% less likely to humour and jokes compared to the fate of these people without heart problems. If this is true, the very elixir which could solve a serious health condition related to heart is the prime condition of the act of laughing at jokes really funny. This is particularly important for those who do not have time to exercise or do physical activities. Laughing also prevents hypertension because it reduces the likelihood of stress. It relaxes muscles and reduces the supply of dopamine in the blood.

Knowing all this, how can you practice the habit of humour and jokes to keep from heart attack? The maintenance of a light-hearted provision is essential in preventing heart attacks. Whenever the stress began keeping in the think of these situations can reduce your stress and anxiety. humour and jokes not only produce natural laughter, but also help maintain good mental health. Therefore in every day hard working life humour and jokes is not only necessary to make laughter in your life, it also keeps you fit in the life.

A Short History Of The Muppets

There are a scant few celebrities who can say they have enjoyed constant fame since the mid-sixties. Even fewer can make this claim and say they have had no negative press in the 40 years they have been on television.

Despite what tabloids would have you believe, there is a group of characters who have constantly appeared on television since the 1960s, never once come close to a scandal, never aged and most surprising of all, are made of felt.

The Muppets are somewhat of a television institution, a part of many of our childhoods. Perhaps the most impressive thing about the excitable, fuzzy little puppets is the fact they continue to entertain us well into adulthood. Films like Muppets Treasure Island were equally popular among children and adults.

Reviews spoke about Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog as if they were real, living actors. USA Today praised the movie, saying; "Leave it to Miss Piggy and Kermit to discover uncharted gold in the shipwrecked-pirate genre". This is the power of Jim Henson's Muppets, they can make us forget that they are made of felt, ping pong balls and rods, but why? Where did the world's most beloved puppets come from and what distinguishes a muppet from a puppet?

The muppets took their first tentative steps into the world of television in the mid-50s. Their now legendary creator, Jim Henson, was still studying at the University of Maryland at the time. Although he had made puppets for Saturday morning television in high school, Henson was unaware of the monumental popularity his creations were to enjoy in just a few short years.

The muppet phenomenon began to take shape in 1955 on the Sam and Friends Show, it was there that Kermit the frog first appeared. He was not yet officially a frog, more of a nondescript lizard-like muppet. He lacked his distinctive neck frill so the join between body and head was still visible and his voice was not quite that of the polished Kermit of The Muppet Show. He was made from a green coat discarded by Henson's mother, with old ping pong balls for eyes.

Kermit came to be the template for the muppets, large eyes, a wide mouth and arms controlled by rods rather than strings. Unlike other puppets, usually made of wood, Henson made his muppets from foam rubber and soft materials, allowing for a greater range of realistic movement and emotion.

As the concept developed it became clear that a muppet can be almost anything. They have been human, animals, anthropomorphised animals (such as Miss Piggy and Kermit), robots, aliens and anything in-between. This multi-species cast transcended gender, race and religion and clearly showed Henson's values of friendship and cultural harmony.

It is not only the physical design of the muppets that characterises them. Henson pioneered the use of the camera frame as a sort of stage. He ensured his "muppeteers" were out of sight by simply holding the muppets above their heads and filming the suspended muppets from the "waist" up. Human guests would stand on platforms or muppeteers would work from pits similar to those used by orchestras to ensure the illusion was not broken.

Maintaining the illusion that the muppets are alive is a massive part of why they became so popular, Henson investigated all relevant new technologies to keep this illusion going. Remote control, partially motorised muppets and some degree of CGI animation is now used to allow the muppets to do things impossible for normal puppets such as riding bicycles and dancing with no visible muppeteer.

Despite the popularity of modern muppets life was not always easy for Henson and his beloved pals. Throughout the 1960s the muppets mainly appeared as guests on talk shows, doing the occasional skit for variety shows and on adverts. They were made and operated by Henson and his wife, Jane, until the birth of Henson's first child, after which Jane quit muppeteering to look after the new baby.

This was the point when Henson hired Frank Oz, the men developed a close friendship and a distinctive double-act. Their partnership came to shape the muppets, the characters of Bert and Ernie show the pair's well developed performing partnership at its best.

In 1969 Henson began work on Seasame Street, this was to be one of the muppet's greatest successes. After a shaky start the show went on to receive 109 Emmy Awards and is currently one of the longest running programmes in television history.

The runaway success of Seasame Street gave Henson the credibility to try groundbreaking new formats. He was keen to attempt a weekly television show aimed at the entire family rather than exclusively children. American television rejected the idea, they did not see the muppets as characters for adults.

Eventually Henson secured financing in the UK. The muppets creative team was moved to England and filming for The Muppet Show began. The show was family friendly but featured a satirical sense of humour that was designed to appeal to the parents of the children watching, an element which would become common in Henson's work, notably Dinosaurs and Fraggle Rock.

A combination of talented muppeteers, well designed muppets, non-offensive family friendly scripts and loveable characters created the global phenomenon that is the muppets. This wild popularity combined with the show's illusion that the muppets were alive led to them being treated as such.

Kermit the frog interviewed massive stars on The Muppet Show between 1976 and 1981 including: Diana Ross, Christopher Reeve, Johnny Cash, Elton John, John Cleese and Alice Cooper. Slowly The Muppet Show began to be taken seriously, as the show progressed it became the most desirable programme for celebrities to appear on. Kermit the frog was the Parkinson of the late 70s.

It was after the international success of The Muppet Show that Kermit and friends began to be treated as individuals rather than characters. Miss Piggy's book went to number one on the New York best-sellers list, Kermit became the first and only frog to address the Oxford Union and the characters became celebrities in their own right. Kermit the frog even has a Hollywood star.

At the height of muppet-mania disaster struck, soon after the completion of Jim Henson's Muppet Vision 3D Henson fell ill. On May 4th he commented he felt under the weather, 12 days later the father of the muppets was dead. Henson died from toxic shock syndrome brought on by a severe infection similar to pneumonia.

Two memorials were held for Henson, one in the US and one in the UK. Nobody wore black at either service and Big Bird sung Kermit the frog's signature song "Its not easy being green". Everyone waved a muppet butterfly as the surreal but deeply moving service progressed.

So just why do the muppets capture our imaginations so? It is perhaps the message of tolerance, love and friendship Henson wove deeply into every character. It could have been his tireless devotion to his art, to maintaining the illusion that the felt and foam characters he created were real. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact Henson's puppets got to interview and were interviewed by the biggest names of the day.

Maybe their enviable film and television careers. Whatever the reason, the muppets have enjoyed a 40 year media career and they are showing no signs of slowing down.

A new muppet movie is on the way and The Jim Henson Company (now run by Henson's children) has promised two new films based on Henson's work, Fraggle Rock and The Dark Crystal. These new films will continue Jim Henson's legacy, characters that bring families together and extoll the virtues of love and friendship, two things the world can never have too much of.

Go to School - Become a Joker

Some people are inborn comedians. They usually are the clown among the crowd, making funny jokes and leaving everybody rolling in the aisles. If most of your friends or the people around you say that you are inherently funny and witty then why not make this as a profession?

Yes, you can take comedy classes to bring your talent to the next level. If you take pleasure in doing jokes and making people laugh or if you know the value of comedy, you are a best candidate to take comedy classes. By enrolling in elite comedy classes, your natural comic personality will further be honed.

Being a stand-up comedian is no laughing matter!

It is more than just making the people laugh, or simply retelling common jokes and wait for your friends and the people around you to chuckle. Comedy is more about putting the right jokes in the right place and in the right timing. Comedy classes will teach you the true essence of comedy. They will teach you how to be tenacious and cognizant about your comedy piece. The core function of comedy classes is to build-up your humorist talent. They will allow you to be knowledgeable about the stage, know how to write effective jokes, and develop holistic comic charm.

Be a pro standup comedian thru good comedy classes
For inborn comedians, undergoing comedy classes will not be a hard task. But for people who wanted to develop their comic skills, it can take years before hitting the big time. Taking up comedy classes and workshops will help you get started on a successful career as a stand-up comedian. These will get you up in front of an audience, create good jokes, and master the art of delivering jokes. More than that, comedy classes will teach you to write and structure jokes.

Structuring techniques are important in making good jokes. Most comedy classes offer performing opportunities for students. This is a good platform for students to exhibit and perform their comedy piece in front of an audience.

This does not only provide an avenue for aspiring comedians to show what they have learned in comedy classes, but this is also a good opportunity to bring out what they got like spouting funny adlibs and delivering funny lines spontaneously while doing the entire standup comedy. Through good comedy classes, a great comedian can be spawned.

The advantages of taking comedy classes
While it is a fact that taking up comedy classes can be tough, on the contrary, they can be worthwhile. Through comedy classes, one can build up his or her personality. You yourself can create a unique comedy trademark that people will instinctively recognize. For beginners like you in comedy classes, it might be awhile before you can find your unique comic personality.

One way to discover it is to test your comedy piece in front of the public and ask for feedbacks or reviews. After, you can tweak your stage presence until you have created the trademark you want to exude.

Examples of famous comedians in the Hollywood that are popularly known for their distinctive comic personality are Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Dave Chapelle, and many others. When people hear their names, their comic styles are instantly recalled.
Anyone interested in taking up comedy classes should seek a professional standup comedy class.

There are a myriad of comedy class offered in the internet today and all you have to do is pick and enroll in a comedy class that suits your criteria as well as will bring out the best in you.

My Journey in a Backpack to the White House

Never could I have guessed when I was being made in Indonesia, a place where our new President of the United States used to live, would I one day be living in the same house as that same President, President Barack Obama. It has been really amazing! Take this historical day of the swearing in of the first African American President, combine it with a collection of dignitaries, celebrities and just millions of proud Americans, and moving day for the new First Family is upon us.

For those of you who do not know who I am, my name is Boca the hand puppet and language amigo, friend of thousands of children across this country and many, many others. I have been known to show up on The Education Channel in the Tampa Bay Area, I have been turned into a big mascot character, and I help elicit the new language of many young children from sea to shining sea. (That seemed so appropriate in light of the events of today, Inauguration Day for our forty fourth President of the United States of America!)

I was packed into a UPS mailer months ago and sent to an address in Chicago, Illinois that, at the time, was the home of Barack and Michelle Obama along with their daughters Malia and Sasha. Since President Obama encouraged the American public many times during his campaign to make certain their children can speak Spanish, my owner felt it a prudent move to send Malia and Sasha yours truly along with some other language learning CDs, DVDs and fun book stuff months ago!

It got really crazy at the house in Chicago once their Daddy won the presidential election, so busy that they never even opened up the package with me in it that the Secret Service signed for that brisk day in Fall 2008. In fact, my buddy, another Boca puppet, and me were packed into some official boxes that were shipped off to Washington, D.C and stored in a building as we awaited the arrival of the new First Family.

Malia and Sasha did not even notice that we were gone. In spite of my cute face and soft material, the bright colors of the backpack I was in, and the really cool Spanish and English music CDs and DVDs, the girls really never knew we were there or that we were gone. I am so hoping once things calm down here on Pennsylvania Avenue and life gets back to some sense of normalcy that they will unpack my box and show Daddy that they will learn Spanish

just like he said all of the children in America should.

This morning of the Inauguration was a bit crazy for us toys in boxes. It seems just as soon as the President Elect and his wife left for the church service the moving vans quickly set into motion and ended up at the South Wing of the White House. They were pretty nice in the way they handled our boxes, and I heard them asking each other in which direction the bedrooms for the girls were. They decided to leave my box off in the family gathering and play room.

I am so excited to have them open up my box. I am so excited for the sunlight to filter into my box and onto my puppet material back. I am so excited for all of the change that I keep hearing about from outside this box. It seems a lot of great things might be happening for the little children I keep teaching Spanish and English to. This President, whose mother sent him back to the United States from Indonesia to live with his Grandmother because she wanted him to have a good education, is really into family, education early in life and giving hope for a bright future for all who want it.

Here is to an open box, open minds and open hearts of every American as this new First Family models great values, morals and provides definite direction for a better nation.

Male and Female Showering Habits

Male and Female Showering Habits

Shower like a woman...

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

Shower like a man...

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Way Hey!!"

Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Piss in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday's clothes.

A Hell of a Town

We've had many out of town visitors lately. Here are my favorite things to do with them:

One of the most beautiful rooms in New York City is BG Restaurant at Bergdorf Goodman.

The prices will kill you - 24 bucks for chicken salad (but it does have Green Goddess dressing!)
What you're paying for is the spectacular room, designed by Kelly Wearstler. They also have afternoon tea from 3 to 5, which I keep meaning to try out.

A less expensive option is Prime Burger, which has been around since 1938. I love it so much. It's at 51st between Madison and Fifth, so if you're taking someone to see St. Patrick's Cathedral, it's right there. You can eat at these tables that look like old wooden desks.

And: it's worth it to go to Brooklyn to have dessert at The Chocolate Room. The Cobble Hill branch is four subway stops out of Manhattan, which isn't so bad. Their chocolate cake is the best I've ever had in my life, and it's one of Oprah's favorites, too.

A Bad Hairdresser Day

A Bad Hairdresser Day

"Hey everybody!" Hairdresser Lady called out. "It's The Happy Guy."

"Don't try buttering me up, Hairdresser Lady," I warned. "It's not going to work."

"What's not going to work?" she demanded.

"You can't cover up your gross incompetence with a 'Hey everybody' cheer."

"Gross incompetence?"

"That's right. Just look at my head. Go ahead, take a real close look."

"Why, it's a family of sparrows. What a lovely nest," she grinned.

"No, over here."

"My, my. If it isn't a bald spot," she giggled. "Should I give it a shine?"

WARNING: The before picture.

"It looks like you could use Hair Loss No More ... or we'll have to wear sun glasses in your presence," she added.

"That's just what I mean, Hairdresser Lady. Ever since I've been coming to you this past couple years, I've been losing hair. What have you been doing to it?"

"Er, nothing. Just a little growth formula."

"Growth?!? My hair isn't growing. It's falling out."

Hairdresser Lady's Secret Trick

"The growth formula is not for your hair, silly. It's for your scalp," Hairdresser Lady responded.

"Growth formula for my scalp?"

"To make you look taller," Hairdresser Lady explained. "You do look kind of short, you know."

"How will growth formula on my scalp make me look taller?"

"Just look in the mirror. Already your head is starting to stick up out of your hair," Hairdresser Lady pointed out. "You look taller already."

She was right. I did look taller. "That stuff really works?"

"It works wonders on my petunias," Hairdresser Lady asserted.

Saaaaay, wait a minute. That's not a growing scalp. That's a receding hairline! "I don't believe it. You are NOT putting growth formula on my scalp. I am just losing my hair."

By this time, Hairdresser Lady was rolling on the floor with laughter. And I still had no idea what she was doing to make my hair fall out.

"I'll bet this is a secret trick to reduce your workload. The more hair falls out, the less you have to cut."

"Less hair to cut, but more face to wash," she chirped as she dunked my head under water. Deep under water. "Actually, you don't look too bad. Your hair is just getting thin here and there, and you have a lot more vacant real estate above your eyes. But most of your hair is clinging on...for now."

It was that last "for now" that sent shivers down my spine. Already I could see how much hair I had lost since she became my hairdresser. What diabolical anti-hair plot could she be preparing to unleash upon my head? I feared all my questions would soon be answered when she brought a new tray to the counter in front of me.

Could a hairdresser use tar and feathers?

"What's all that stuff? I demanded.

"These are your new hairdressing supplies: tar, a very large black brush, and a cheese grater," she smiled as she opened the tar lid.

"What's in that?" I was panicking.

"Don't worry," Hairdresser Lady whispered. "Nobody will know that it's not really...hair."

I lunged toward the exit. As the door swung closed behind me, I heard her call out, "Don't you even want to know what the cheese grater is for?"

Looking back, the whole situation seems ludicrous. My hair was not falling out because of Hairdresser Lady. It was falling out because of middle age. After all, they didn't have hairdressers in the Middle Ages.

Yesterday, my wife asked me when I last got my hair cut. I told her it had been a while. "Why do you ask?"

"Because," she puzzled. "Your hair seems to be growing quite long."

I think I shocked her when I began jumping up and down, shouting, "Yes. It works. Yes. Yes. Yes. No more hairdressers! No miracle petunias! No growing scalps!"

Still, every now and then, I wonder -- just what was the cheese grater for.

Get a personal growth humor column, like this one on hairdressers and bald spots, in your inbox every week. For more humor articles check the menu to the left.

Automated Prank Calls using A.I. Technology?

Automated Prank Calls using A.I. Technology?
by: Luke Carter

If you're the sort of person who likes to make prank calls and wind people up in general you'll probably be aware of the many prank call sites on the internet, offering a choice of automated phone windups to play anytime.

The thing is, like every category of services, picking the best site to run with can sometimes be a challenge.

Obviously, the best prank calls are the most convincing, and to achieve convincing prank calls you will need to make sure the prank call service itself is the real deal.

After all, the fun is in reeling someone in and humiliating them at the end right?

But you won't find out if you're "victim" hangs up! You would have just wasted you're money for nothing.

So how can you make sure you're getting the best?

There are 2 main types of automated prank calls service. One is a simple recorded prank call system which plays a recording to your victim hoping that it will achieve a response, but in reality is not credible at all and usually gets picked up on right away. Not much use.

The other uses Artificial Intelligence technology to actually interact with what your victim says just like a normal conversation. The system also "knows" when to take breaks and let them speak and when to ask different questions depending on their reaction. This is the type you want. This type of service also allows you to listen in secretly to your victim's reaction and they won't be able to hear you laugh out loud!

Prank Call Services that use this A.I. technology usually offer a much higher standard & wider range of prank calls to choose from, using professional voice actors to produce them.

When it comes to choosing a Prank Call Site, make sure you only use the best. After all, it's no fun when the person you are calling hangs up the phone after a few seconds is it?

How To Cope When You Are Surrounded By Idiots

How To Cope When You Are Surrounded By Idiots
by: Ben Goode

Are the idiots in your life driving you crazy? Do you often feel like you are surrounded by idiots? Have you ever wondered if YOU are an idiot? Do the idiotic C.Y.A. instructions on the packaging of most products you buy these days make you feel like the world must think you are an idiot?

The following article contains lessons on stupidity. They cover things you should pretty much never do. There are many, many more lessons we could add, such as not floating face down in the septic tank or not applying your own tattoo with a wood burner and lead-based house paint, but these are normally material for a post-graduate stupidity course. You probably shouldn't attempt to comprehend these high-level concepts until you have mastered the more basic skills.

Experience has shown that the louder you yell the principle to the idiot pupil in question the better the procedure works. (OK, a little honesty here would probably be good. The truth is, shouting the lessons probably won't have much of an effect on the idiot, because as we all know, he/she is an idiot, but it will probably make you feel a little better).

Here are a few suggestions that could change your life if you are someone who is struggling with idiots in your life. If you are an idiot, try to find someone to read these principles to you and then apply them. If you are surrounded by idiots or if you have a loved one who has idiotic tendencies, you will probably want to teach these principles to the idiots in your life. You never know. It might just help.

1. You should never try to lick the bottom of the blender while the blades are still turning.
2. Never drink quarts of vinegar while eating boxes of baking soda.
3. Never clean up nitro-glycerin or unstable nuclear waste with a vacuum cleaner.
4. Never let friends hit you over the head with a baseball bat unless you are wearing a good helmet.
5. Never adjust your TV antenna during a lightening storm.
6. You shouldn't smoke while siphoning gasoline.
7. Don't microwave dynamite.
8. Never dry your hair with a blow torch.
9. Never pick your scabs while swimming with sharks.
10. Never hang glide during a hurricane.

Find a Reason to Smile More with Fun Sites

Find a Reason to Smile More with Fun Sites
by: Diana Daniels

Are we losing out the fun from our lives? Is the mad rat race squeezing out the humor from our lives? Humor is the all essential ingredient for leading a healthy, positive life.The monotony of existence, the same old routine of everyday-sprinkle humor onto it and the drudgery of life becomes more bearable. When we are hanging out with friends and having a good laugh, for those few precious moments we are able to leave behind all the worries, pains, and pressures of existence. So what do you do when you are badly in need of a good laugh? As it is the medium we turn to for almost everything, the answer here is again the internet. And the internet has plenty of sites that will bring an instant smile to your faces. Fun sites, as they are categorized as, are a treasure trove of humor videos, pictures, games, puzzles, riddles and tons more, that will entertain you and captivate you.

Once hooked on to these sites, you would not even realize how time will fly. It is like hanging out with your buddies again, laughing, enjoying and having fun. There is so much to choose from at these sites, from funny videos to music to games and more. Once you find yourself in the world of fun sites it is hard to let go. These sites have a legion of dedicated fans that are growing everyday. Sensing their popularity among net users, there are now tons of fun sites available and more are being added every day.

Fun sites not only provide hours of amusement for you, they are also a forum where you can meet and interact with other fans of such fun sites. Upload your funny videos and share it with other users or challenge them to a game and you will no longer feel starved for fun company.

Fun sites not only provide entertainment but can be educational too. There are a number of fun sites available for children that make learning fun, through games, puzzles etc. Do you need your daily dose of entertainment news? Well fun sites cater to that too. All that you need to drive the blues away, you will find at these fun sites.

As they say it costs nothing to smile, but it will brighten up your day, so smile more and spread the joy around.Fun sites give you the opportunity to bring the humor back to your lives and more and more people are turning to these sites to get their daily dose of fun. You can jump on the bandwagon too and enjoy the joyride -that is fun sites.

Enjoy These Useless Facts And Fun Trivia Questions And Answers

Enjoy These Useless Facts And Fun Trivia Questions And Answers
by: Deanna Mascle

Question: Which is stronger -- concrete or bone?

Answer: Bone

Useless Fact: Human bones can actually resist 40 times more stress than concrete. Don't believe it is true? Then picture a piece of concrete the size of a bone and imagine how easily it would break.

Question: What bird lays its egg in another bird's nest?

Answer: Cuckoo, Cowbird, Whyda, Honeyguide and Black-headed Duck

Useless Fact: These birds, called brood parasites, lay their eggs in another bird's nest and let the other bird parents feed and raise their chicks. The "egg abandoner" is then free to mate again and lay more eggs in another nest. The cuckoo is the best known brood parasite and an expert in the art of cruel deception. Its strategy involves stealth, surprise and speed. The mother removes one egg laid by the host mother, lays her own and flies off with the host egg in her bill. The whole process takes barely ten seconds. Cuckoos parasitize the nests of a large variety of bird species and carefully mimic the colour and pattern of their own eggs to match that of their hosts. Each female cuckoo specializes on one particular host species. How the cuckoo manages to lay eggs to imitate each host's eggs so accurately is one of nature's main mysteries.

Question: What is the largest invertebrate?

Answer: Colossal Squid

Useless Fact: A species of squid reported to be significantly larger than the giant squid, is called the Colossal squid, officially named Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni. In February 2007 a live colossal squid was brought to the surface in Antarctic waters by a New Zealand fishing boat. This enormous squid, which was determined to be a male of the species, was 10 meters (32.8 feet), and weighed 450 kilograms (992 pounds), making it the largest squid (the largest invertebrate) ever captured. What is even more astonishing is that, from what scientists know about squid species in general, there is great sexual dimorphism in squids, with females being significantly larger than the males. If that holds true for the Colossal squid, this male specimen that was captured could very well be dwarfed by a much larger female of the species.

Question: What does the first letter of a radio station's call sign mean?

Answer: The location of the station

Useless Fact: Generally, in the United States, call signs begin with K west of the Mississippi River, and W to the east.

Question: Where was the first McD0nald's located?

Answer: Arcada, California

Useless Fact: Brothers Dick and Mac McDonald open a hot dog stand called the Airdome in Arcadia, California. In 1940, the brothers move to San Bernardino, California, on Route 66. After noting that almost all of their profits came from hamburgers, the brothers close down the restaurant for several months in 1948 to implement their innovative "Speedee Service System", a streamlined assembly line for hamburgers.

Question: What is the largest insect?

Answer: Acteon Beetle or Longhorn Beetle

Useless Fact: There are different ways of measuring the size of an insect, most people would consider the largest insect to be the bulkiest and in that case the largest insect is the Acteaeom Beetle from South America. The male beetles can be 9cms long by 5cms wide by 4cms thick. If you want to measure largest by overall size, check out the South American Longhorn Beetle (Titanus giganteus) these giants can be over 16cms in body length (not including antennae) One other beetle, Dynastes hercules is also well known for reaching 16cms in length though it is not nearly as heavy. The longest insect in the world is the Stick-Insect (Pharnacia serritypes), the females of which can be over 36cm long.

How and When To Make Humour at Work!

How and When To Make Humour at Work!
by: Lionel Estridge

A good laugh will do wonders for you as smiling and laughing lowers your stress levels, wins you a friendly reputation, and helps your usually tense co-workers and bosses to relax.

Humour on the job will do a lot for your career, but there are a number of things you need to know about laughter and humour in the place of work.

Feeling good and having humour in our lives can do wonders for our position and productivity, which means that there is definitely a place for some humour on the job. Having a smiling face will help your co-workers and supervisors feel better being around you, and you may well end up reaping rewards by laughing more in the workplace. But you need to know how to apply humour in your work environment.

Laughing has been proven to be a huge stress reliever, letting you feel better and becoming more productive. To be able to loosen up and have some fun is great, so why not take that approach to work each day and lighten up around the work place? Smiling can make your job easier, more than ever if you work in customer service or sales. But there's certainly a right and incorrect way to use humour in the workplace.

One of the main rules with humour in the workplace is to avoid controversy when you are joking on the job. Stay well away from joking about political affairs, race and religion.

Sex is another unsafe topic because of sexual harassment in the workplace. Make sure that you stay well within the lines of decency.

Never make fun at other people within your organization, as you are trying to win friends with the people you work with, and not set against them. If you can't help yourself, please be extremely careful.

Poking fun at the work you do or the industry you work in is a good way to earn some smiles from your co-workers and supervisors. While these types of workplace jokes may not be so funny at home or with friends, as they really don't appreciate the pressures of your employment, the people who are around you in your job will definitely appreciate the humour about their frustrations and will be able to laugh over the situations instead of complaining.

Making jokes about the ups and downs of your trade is a safe way to add wit to the place of work. You will have the benefit of knowing precisely what your co-workers have to face each and every day, and it's much better as it helps to let go of tensions and lower stress levels by getting them to chuckle about the situations they come across frequently.

The very best time for some humour is when you are not working, but still in the region of the people you work with, such as a coffee or lunch break. You can also make an effort to be funny on the job, but when you are working, it's a good idea to use jokes much more thinly than you would normally do.

In general, humour in the workplace is a superb area to flex your creative muscles and give your job a little boost.

Humour in the workplace helps stress levels to drop, and your co-workers will feel better about working with you. Start gradually, and add a few more safe jokes here and there to incite a few smiles. Everyone will feel better because of your efforts.

Female Muslim Sexologist On TV; Proves More Popular Than Al-Qaeda

Female Muslim Sexologist On TV; Proves More Popular Than Al-Qaeda
by: Tom Attea

A female Muslim sexologist named Heba Kotb now has a TV program called “Big Talk,” where the courageous pioneer discusses sex in as normal and healthy a manner as she can dare to in her excitable part of the world.

A conservative Muslim herself, the irrepressible Egyptian lady actually has Muslims talking about such taboo ideas as sexual positions, female orgasm, and oral sex, which, she says, is permitted "since there is no religious text banning it."

Her program has apparently become the talk of her sexually veiled society. She has, in fact, proved to be even more popular than Al-Qaeda, as usually represented by one madman or another ranting about murdering innocent people as a perverse means of persuasion.

"It's a beautiful thing what she is doing," commented Abier El-Barbary, a woman who is a psychotherapist and a faculty member at the American University in Cairo. "It's a long overdue topic tastefully done.”

Let’s wish her luck. When sex is part of the discussion, it appears that the injunction to “make love, not war” may have, even in the Middle East, a fighting chance.

Some of the Humorous Latest Sardar Jokes

Some of the Humorous Latest Sardar Jokes
by: Rahul Roy

If you visit Indian and some neighboring countries of it, you’ll hear lots of bone tickling jokes. And among all funny and humorous jokes you’ll certainly hear Sardar jokes. These Sardar are the residents of Punjab (one of the state of India), they are famous for their jokes which are very humorous.

It is hard to locate when the first Sardar jokes was said or who was the first one to say those jokes but the jokes regarding them are still very famous as they were in the past. People enjoy Sardar jokes more rather than other jokes.

In these jokes the behavior of Sardar are reflected in humorous manner so that they sound funny and create laughter. You might be wondering as what are these Sardar jokes… Here are of the latest Sardar jokes:

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together . An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower?”

The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’
‘Ha, I clean my shit with that!’ the Englishman jeered.

The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.

The Muslim replied: “Chameli”
‘Ha I clean my shit with that!’ The Englishman response

The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.

The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower?’
Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now clean your ass with that!”

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Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet: “What are you searching for?”

Santa Singh: “Hidden camera!”

Jasmeet: “And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?”

Santa Singh: “That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, you are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

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Banta Singh wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman asks, “How do you want me to put it?”

Sardar says, well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

“You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bottom”.

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These were some of the funny latest Sardar jokes. You can find a huge collection of these jokes on web. These jokes are really a good opener of laughter. So if you are lonely and bored, don‘t hesitate to find some latest Sardar jokes on web and have fun reading them.

Mahmoud And The Talking Camel

Mahmoud And The Talking Camel
by: Tom Attea

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the feisty and foolish President of Iran, was coming back from one of his frequent addresses to students, who always agree with him 100%, when a camel walked out onto the road his limo was zipping along.

“Look, a camel,” called his perceptive driver, slamming on the brakes.

“Just give him a minute,” Mahmoud observed sagely, “and I’m sure he’ll cross the road to get to the other side.”

“Why?” the bodyguard next to the driver asked, inadvertently poking himself in the eye with his AK-47.

“To get a drink of water,” witty Mahmoud suggested.

“Ha,” chuckled the driver and the bodyguard, making up, through their feigned camaraderie, the usual “Ha, ha.”

But, instead of behaving as projected, the camel ambled up to the limo and looked in at Mahmoud. Then, quite to the Mayor-turned-President’s surprise, it began to move its lips as if it was speaking in Farsi.

Ever the obliging pawn of the ruling mullahs, Mahmoud rolled down his window, and asked, “Can I help you?”

“Yez, Prez,” the camel replied, with a curious accent that seemed to be due to its rubbery lips.

Astonished, Mahmoud exclaimed, “How can a camel talk?”

“It’z a zpecial gift from Allah.”

“Really?” the President pondered.

“Yez. There I waz, zleeping by a watering hole last night, when Allah appeared on my back, and zaid, ‘I have a problem.’

“I didn’t know what to say,” the camel went on, “because I didn’t know how to talk.

"Then Allah zaid, ‘Let’z talk.’

“And, suddenly, I knew how.

"So I zaid, ‘Thankz, what’s up?’

“Allah sighed, and told me, ‘Try az I might, I can’t find a zsingle Iranian with the courage to have an honest talk with Mahmoud. Zo I’ve decided to give you the azzignment.’”

“A lowly camel, appearing on behalf of Allah?” Mahmoud questioned.

“No, a camel chozen by Allah,” came the wise reply. “Zo I zaid to Allah, ‘How can I help?’”

“And what did Allah say?” Mahmoud half scoffed.

The camel glanced at the bodyguard with the AK-47 and trembled with fear.

“Relax,” Mahmoud told him. “He won’t shoot. I promise.”

“Thankz,” the camel replied.

“So what did Allah tell you?”

“He said, ‘Go to Mahmoud and tell him he has a suicide wish.’”

“A suicide wish?” Ahmadinejad exclaimed, and jumped out of the limo. “Allah told you that?”

“Yez, he did,” the camel said. “Not only that, he said you’re acting it out for the whole nation of Iran.”

“Now, why would I do that?” Mahmoud demanded.

“He zaid you mizinterpreted the Koran.”

“I did?”

“Yez, he said that you think after you die you’ll go to Paradize az a martyr and have a zubliminal wish to go there. But he zaid you forgot that he created you so you would live before you die. In fact, he created the whole univerze so you could live before you die. So ending your life by choice defeatz his primary purpose. Naturally, he’z upzet. Very upzet.”

“But how am I trying to commit suicide?”

“He zaid with your polizy of nuclear development.”

The bodyguard knew any negative talk about the Iranian centrifuge subterfuge would anger Mahmoud, who had somehow conflated the prestige of Iran with his, along with his superintending mullahs’, nuke-a-duke policy. So he hefted his principal means of communication, the AK-47, and asked, “Want me to silence him? I can do it without admitting it.”

“No,” Mahmoud replied insightfully. “A camel who can talk should not be shot.”

The camel did not take the bodyguard’s suggestion in stride, and uttered, “Uh-oh.” Then it turned to trot away.

“Come back here and tell me what else Allah said,” Mahmoud commanded him.

The camel stopped but only to call back, “He zaid you know you’re involved in a gamble you can’t win.”

“He said that?”

“Yez, he did,” the camel dared to affirm, and glanced at the bodyguard. “Don’t zhoot or I’ll zhut up.”

“He won’t,” Mahmoud assured the spooked camel, and turned to the bodyguard. “He may be a camel, but he’s a messenger of Allah. So no gunplay.” Then he looked back at the eloquent dromedary. “Did he say why I can’t win?”

“Yez, he zaid that the closer you get to succezz, the more other nationz will want to ztop you.” The camel swallowed hard and blurted out. “They will bomb you before they let you have a bomb.”

“He zaid that?” Mahmoud asked, and then, realizing he had just slipped into the curious accent of the camel, corrected himself. “I mean, he said that?”

“Yez, he did,” the camel confirmed. “Not only zhat, he zaid you’re telling the other countriez you’re only doing it for a reazon that izn’t credible, because Iran haz plenty of oil, so it doesn't need nuclear power for energy.”

“Anything else?” Mahmoud asked, grinding his teeth a bit.

“The most important zing: He told me to tell you to ztop.”

“Or?”

The camel swallowed hard, and then said, “I’m supposed to go from one city to the next and tell people to stop you, so they don’t have to die with you.”

The bodyguard waved his AK-47 in the sun.

The camel noticed it, and said, “Zo, quick! What’s your decision?”

“My decision is, you must be a mirage. Whoever heard of a talking camel – especially one who claims to be a messenger from Allah?”

“I think you’re right, boss,” the bodyguard called, and wiggled his rifle. “Want me to give it the hole-in-the-head test?”

Ahmadinejad took out his handkerchief and wiped his forehead, considering the possibility. Then he said, “Why waste bullets on a mirage?”

Getting back into the limo, he huffed skeptically, “Drive on. And don’t either one of you tell anybody I was talking to a camel.”

Advice to King Dave of the Isle of Man

Advice to King Dave of the Isle of Man
by: Louis Rosas-Guyon III

To HM King David of the Isle of Mann (or Man), cousin to Queen Elizabeth II, come forth, I, your Not-So-Humble Servant to render such Wisdom as I can…

For about ten minutes today, David Howe, a 38 year old businessman from Maryland commanded the front page on FoxNews.Com with the story of his Coronation. In 2006 some Brit genealogist called to tell him that he might have a claim to the throne of the Isle of Mann (or Man). So, he filled out the right forms and sent them to Her Majesty's Stationary Office which after a 90 day review period approved his Royal application. Apparently they sent him a crown, a royal robe and a spoon. Some Kings get swords, others get scepters, but David gets a spoon.

My favorite part of the story is the reaction from the people of the Isle of Man, which I think can best be summed up as: "Who?" The elected government of the Isle of Man is probably still laughing themselves senseless. They are so disrespectful of their new King that the official government website has no mention of his coronation. Well King David, it looks like you'll need to stage an invasion to enforce Your Royal Rights. I recommend you look into some the old laws on how to execute traitors. That's how you get medieval on their butts.

The best part about this story is that HM (that's His Majesty, to you) King David has a lovely website. On his home page under an enormous picture of him, he details his efforts to provide aide for the poor AIDS afflicted children of Insert African Nation Here. Even Americans know you cannot be a Royal unless you have some charity to support. Especially useful are those charities that show you pictures of starving children. Those work best of all. Good choice there, Your Majesty. You hit that nail right on the head.

But if you do a little digging into the Royal website you find his Royal Pedigree. You know, like they do with dogs. Not only does he include his family tree proving his Royal Title, but he also proves that he is a cousin to the Royal Family of Great Britain. Wow, he's cousins with the Queen! Let's get something straight; I'm no genealogist but it seems to me when you cast such an enormous net (like the Cousin's Net), you are probably also related to Cher, Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney. I recommend that you lose the whole Cousins thing. Let's agree that you are only allowed to be a Royal Cousin if they invite you over for tea.

Also, if you take the time to look at his Pedigree you may notice that he has achieved his gentle rank through marriage. Now, that is perfectly legitimate. But, does that mean he's Royal by insertion? If so, then good job King David! I always heard you were supposed to pull your Sword out of the stone. It just goes to show that you cannot trust legends. But it might damage your macho image, so I would dump that webpage too.

Now, there's the matter of Royal Revenue. Until you conquer your island you can't collect taxes. But I have solved that for you! Just sell Knighthoods! There are tons of obnoxious idiots who would pay dearly for a title. I would add a web store and sell them that way. Between the money you can make from titles and the cash that will come in from your charity, you should have a pretty nice war chest.

To invade, you will need an army. And let's face it, no regular mercenary army will do. You need to show your subjects that you mean business and will not tolerate anything but total loyalty. For that mission, I can only recommend Blackwater. It might take up some of the money for the African kids, but you can always pay them back later.

Anyway, I hope you look charitably on Your Servant for his Words of Wisdom and that Your Majesty remembers to send me money when you use any of these ideas.

Some of the Humorous Latest Sardar Jokes

Some of the Humorous Latest Sardar Jokes
by: Rahul Roy

If you visit Indian and some neighboring countries of it, you’ll hear lots of bone tickling jokes. And among all funny and humorous jokes you’ll certainly hear Sardar jokes. These Sardar are the residents of Punjab (one of the state of India), they are famous for their jokes which are very humorous.

It is hard to locate when the first Sardar jokes was said or who was the first one to say those jokes but the jokes regarding them are still very famous as they were in the past. People enjoy Sardar jokes more rather than other jokes.

In these jokes the behavior of Sardar are reflected in humorous manner so that they sound funny and create laughter. You might be wondering as what are these Sardar jokes… Here are of the latest Sardar jokes:

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together . An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower?”

The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’
‘Ha, I clean my shit with that!’ the Englishman jeered.

The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.

The Muslim replied: “Chameli”
‘Ha I clean my shit with that!’ The Englishman response

The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.

The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower?’
Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now clean your ass with that!”

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Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet: “What are you searching for?”

Santa Singh: “Hidden camera!”

Jasmeet: “And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?”

Santa Singh: “That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, you are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”

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Banta Singh wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman asks, “How do you want me to put it?”

Sardar says, well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

“You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bottom”.

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These were some of the funny latest Sardar jokes. You can find a huge collection of these jokes on web. These jokes are really a good opener of laughter. So if you are lonely and bored, don‘t hesitate to find some latest Sardar jokes on web and have fun reading them.

A Humorous Bow Hunting Story

A Humorous Bow Hunting Story
by: Patty Pinkerton

A man and his friend were bow hunting elk in the Colorado mountains near Stoner Colorado. They rode their horse's from early morning until late evening. The high mountain terrain was very rough with tree's blown down and large boulders in the path. Their horse's had to step very carefully or chance breaking a leg.

With no sign of any elk the man told his friend that the elk must have all moved to the lower country. They decided to go down and try again the next day. The next morning the man and his friend decided to hunt closer to the town of Stoner.

They hunted most of the morning with no luck, the sky was clear and it was a beautiful day. As they got closer to the black top highway they saw a herd of cow elk. In the middle of the herd was the biggest bull elk you ever saw.

The hunter got down off of his horse and carefully drew his bow and took careful aim. Before he could release his arrow, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing on the highway below their stand.

The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow, took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer. His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I know." The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, I was married to her for 25 years."

Would You Kiss My Dog?

Would You Kiss My Dog?
by: Chuck Lunsford

You might think twice before allowing a dog to give you a big wet kiss if you know what I know. I also want to apologize in advance to all dog lovers. I remain an admirer of dogs, just from a distance where my face is out of reach of their over-exuberant tongues.

As a child growing up in the boonies of Alabama we had a succession of dogs, some memorable and some I'd rather forget. One thing they all had in common is a trait all dogs everywhere participate in with gusto, one in which prevents me to this day from allowing a dog anywhere near my mouth.

Early on in life, while still blissfully unaware, I had no qualms in allowing the current family's dog the liberty of indulging itself in a round of good-natured face-licking. After all this is for most people one of the most endearing aspect of canine ownership, letting the mutt shower them with doggie kisses for as long as the dogs owner could stand it. The pooch thinks it is showing its owner the proper display of submissive behavior and affection and believe me when I tell you that a dog will slobber all over you as long as you allow it.

As I said before, my early years were spent in blissful unawareness of Fido's hygienic tendencies. Thinking about that very aspect of doggie behavior today brings back the gag reflex I experienced when I finally discovered, far too late unfortunately, how the mutt went about its daily ablutions.

The dog we had at the time, if I recall, was a stray that sort of drifted in one day and decided to stay and see which way the wind blew. I saw him as companion for my many explorations back into the hills and ridges of the Appalachians. To give credit where credit is due I will say that dog was a champion walker. He would accompany me as long and as far as I asked him too.

Now to the gist of this story. I remember it was a scorching hot August day. One of those kind of days where the air was thick and hard to breath. Anyway I was lounging on the front porch, enjoying a cold drink, and not paying attention to anything in particular. A movement caught my eye and I saw our dog coming down the road towards the house, returning from who knows what type of foray. About a block from the property I saw him stop suddenly and peer intently at something at his feet. Then he eased himself down onto the ground and started rolling around on his back, legs flailing the air, tongue lolling out, and appearing to be in a state of puppy bliss. Needless to say this aroused my attention. I stood up and wandered over to see what had gotten the dog all excited. Was there such a thing as dognip?

Arriving on the scene my eyes were met with the disgusting spectacle of the dog rolling in the partially decomposed remains of some poor creature that wasn't able to dodge fast enough. The way the dog was carrying on you would have thought he had discovered the next greatest scent guaranteed to sweep the lady dogs off their feet. He spent a good ten minutes covering every square inch of his body with the essence of the carcass. He even belly-crawled over it a few times just to make sure no spot was missed.

Once he completed this gruesome task he stood up, shook himself off, gave me a sideways glance, and headed for the porch. I stood there in shock for a second, barely able to believe what I had just witnessed. Finally gathering my wits about me I decided it would be prudent to put as much distance between me and the dog as possible. My plan was to casually walk by him (holding my breath of course), enter the front door, and escape quietly out the back door and make for the hills as fast as my legs would carry me for the remainder of the day. My reasoning was if I was several miles away I wouldn't have to put up with the smell and best of all one of the other kids would have to give the dog a bath once the rest of the family caught wind of it.

Just about when I put my hand on the door handle to let myself in I noticed the dog engaged in yet another of the favorite pastimes of dogs everywhere. He had commenced licking himself over every inch of his body that he could reach. My stomach started doing flip-flops because I knew where he had been less than a minute prior, but for some unknown reason I was transfixed. I could not walk away. Some morbid part of me wanted to see just how far and how long this dog would go with this spectacle.

For a good half hour I bore witness as this dog slurped himself from stem to stern, spending an inordinate amount of time in the stern area if you get my meaning. With disgust and fascination I watched the whole gruesome process, sitting down at some point to see if it would help the nausea I felt coming on.

Once his ablutions were over he licked his chops as if he had just finished a choice sirloin, set his sights on me, and before I could react, pounced towards me with a twinkle in his eye and a bounce in his step. Upon later reflection I finally reasoned he wanted to thank me for "sharing" the experience by offering me some of that love and affection dogs are famous for.

Instinct took over at that point and I engaged in a hasty retreat, crab-walking backwards with the dog getting ever closer, intent on showering me with attention. I stumbled slightly and he saw this as his chance. He lunged at my face with his mouth open and his tongue ready to give me the love and affection he felt I deserved as his master.

Things moved pretty much in a blur at this point which is understandable considering the speed in which I moved. I vaguely remember attempting to pull my head down between my shoulders like a turtle to prevent direct contact while at the same time levitating myself to the porch railing, just barely escaping the dog and his cesspool of a mouth.

Realizing he had missed his chance he looked a little contrite and hurt that I should deny him what he felt was his righteous duty. Between a fit of hyper-gagging and impaired vision brought on by the fumes emanating wafting about the porch I managed to warn him off and escaped into the house.

After awhile I calmed myself down and started thinking about my previous escape plan and the possibility of putting it into action while I still could when I was overcome with a sudden sense of dread. I suddenly remembered that the previous day I had allowed this same dog, the very one who had just spent almost an hour in the most revolting display I had ever witnessed, kiss me square on the mouth.

I wont go into what happened next other than to say it took me about a week, three giant tubes of toothpaste, and a couple of king-sized bottles of Listerine before I got the taste out of my mouth.

Think about it folks. You might want to reconsider if PoochyPoo and his dog bad breath want to share with you where his tongue has been just before he came over to give you a smack on the lips.